The Marrieds vs. the Unmarrieds

Let me start by saying that wedding planning is horrible. Just elope. It's easier, cheaper. It seems that "my big wedding day" is really all about making everyone else happy/comfortable/unoffended and I'm sick of it.

When I started with my guest list, I tried really hard to keep my numbers low. I know that my parents, my fiance, his parents, want to invite everyone and their mother. I guess it's nice but there are A LOT of people that will be there that I dont care to share my day with.
Then when I get a chance to complain, i get the whole "well everyone knows the wedding isn't for you really..." bullshit.

Anyway so I tried to make a rule for myself to only allow someone to bring a guest if they were engaged/married. I mean these days either everyone has a significant other or someone that they could bring. And if this rule meant inviting more of my friends, then I figured it was fair. Especially if the significant others didn't know me, let alone my fiance.

Well I told a good friend of mine, X, this information, and she understood. I mean I think she did... but her boyfriend didn't. I explained it as nicely as I could. But the truth of the matter is, her boyfriend is just some guy. I've never met him, don't care for him, and X has always been so fickle about guys anyway that I don't feel as though I should have to invite him. X has a system:

1. X dates complete dork - usually a dork because I believe she enjoys dominance so he does whatever she says, they spend ALL their time together.
   
2. X's bf does one thing that she doesn't like, X thinks he is a jackass, she breaks up with said dork
   
3. Gets back together with him
   
4. Repeat step 2 and 3 multiple times.
   
5. Finally X breaks up with guy and tells me she'd like some time to be alone, free of relationships and independent, but instead she meets someone else and ...go to step 1.
   

I tried to explain this "X situation" to another friend of mine, Y. She asked, "Does X really not mind that you're not inviting her man, or was she just saying that she didn't?" I replied, "X has known me for years and she knows that if she wants something then she has to say it because if I ask her a question and she said she doesn't mind, then that's what I'm going to believe."

Only then did Y say something about how her relationship is going and if it was serious in a couple months, it might be "awkward". Awkward? AWKWARD? Awkward for who? for him?! Why? He's known you for how long? and he's never even met me? And because you guys might be serious by the time my wedding rolls around? What? Maybe it will be awkward for me! Did she ever consider that?

Well I'll admit, Y did put some ideas in my head, so I brought up my excel spreadsheet and almost changed my whole guest list around. I tried to see what I could do, played with the numbers a bit... And then I thought about it again and said to myself, why? Why am I doing this? why? I decided to use the good old web for some help. This is what I found...

Inviting Guests' Unmarried Partners
" Whether to invite the unmarried partners of your desired guests is a common and contentious dilemma. Although it is usual for each party to adopt a system to help them ration the number of invitations they have, long term unmarried partnerships are almost socially equal to marriages. However, short term relationships are not and therefore do not need to be acknowledged socially at an important event such as your wedding."

The Knot says
" In an ideal world, you'd be able to accommodate everyone, letting every single friend and relative bring a date if they wished. If money is the bottom line -- and when isn't it? -- invite your nearest and dearest without dates rather than crossing them off your guest list altogether. (If anyone complains, simply explain your dilemma -- it was important to have them there, but you couldn't afford to invite dates.) Then, carefully consider where you seat them at the wedding; you may want to seat them with other unattached friends so they won't get stuck with a bunch of lovebirds."

So it relieved me. I thought that's what I was doing all along. And long term is NOT "I met this guy a couple months ago". Isn't the system I adopted a good one? I believe most of my friends understand and if they don't they should. I think when they plan their wedding, they'll understand, because I didn't necessarily understand before either. I just hope I'm doing the right thing.