Can't we choose our own friends?
Back when we were younger, we didn't have much choice in friendships. Many times we were forced to befriend the children of our parents' friends. In grade school, we were constricted to those in our class. In high school it was still those who were in town.
These days with the simplicity and quickness of email and instant messaging services we can be friends with people of any age and any background that live anywhere in the world. We can choose our friends easily based on anything we enjoy, those we like to go out to the clubs with, those that we like to go to the gym with, those that we have anything in common with and anything to chat about, etc. We have the freedom to choose and no longer have to "force" friendships... Or do we?
In our home lives I'm beginning to see that perhaps there are forced friendships and obligations. What do you do if you don't get along with your husband's friend's girlfriend? Do you say something? Do you grin and bear it until they break up? But, what if they never break up?
At our age, girlfriends and boyfriends aren't just that. Now they're potential hubands and wives. I didn't think my situation was a big deal. I figured I could just stay out of the way and there was absolutely no need for only the four of us to hang out together. In my mind, the guys can go out on their own whenever they'd like or we [4] can go out with a big group of people. That's fine too.
Unfortunately my fiance doesn't agree. Instead, I am expected to "find" something I have in common with this girl so that we can all spend time together. Don't get me wrong, she's not [that] bad, I just don't enjoy talking with her. I never have anything to say to her and she doesn't interest me in the least. For me it's a question of should I act fake or should I just stay away from the situation. Easily my choice is the latter. For my fiance, it's a question of how he will be able to maintain his friendship with this guy he has known all his life. And with that in mind, how can I refuse? I never want to come in between them, but at the same time I don't want to force this fake friendship.
What would you do?
These days with the simplicity and quickness of email and instant messaging services we can be friends with people of any age and any background that live anywhere in the world. We can choose our friends easily based on anything we enjoy, those we like to go out to the clubs with, those that we like to go to the gym with, those that we have anything in common with and anything to chat about, etc. We have the freedom to choose and no longer have to "force" friendships... Or do we?
In our home lives I'm beginning to see that perhaps there are forced friendships and obligations. What do you do if you don't get along with your husband's friend's girlfriend? Do you say something? Do you grin and bear it until they break up? But, what if they never break up?
At our age, girlfriends and boyfriends aren't just that. Now they're potential hubands and wives. I didn't think my situation was a big deal. I figured I could just stay out of the way and there was absolutely no need for only the four of us to hang out together. In my mind, the guys can go out on their own whenever they'd like or we [4] can go out with a big group of people. That's fine too.
Unfortunately my fiance doesn't agree. Instead, I am expected to "find" something I have in common with this girl so that we can all spend time together. Don't get me wrong, she's not [that] bad, I just don't enjoy talking with her. I never have anything to say to her and she doesn't interest me in the least. For me it's a question of should I act fake or should I just stay away from the situation. Easily my choice is the latter. For my fiance, it's a question of how he will be able to maintain his friendship with this guy he has known all his life. And with that in mind, how can I refuse? I never want to come in between them, but at the same time I don't want to force this fake friendship.
What would you do?
posted by sakadevi at
10:15 AM
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